my blog used to be like an actual blog. where i posted my thoughts and opinions on things, kind of like diary entries or something to that extent. but then i don’t know what happened. i think people criticized me on being opinionated and i let it get to me to the point where i stopped caring enough to even bother saying anything.
and i don’t think it’s right, and i’ve changed. i let every bad thing that’s happened to me harden my heart a little bit i think. not that i don’t still consider myself a generally warm and caring person, but like, i’m not so open, vulnerable, and blindly trusting. my innermost emotions are guarded by this barrier i’ve developed throughout the pain of stuff i’ve gone through. every letdown, betrayal, and empty promise adds another layer to this ever thickening skin of mine.
so, i’m growing up. maybe i need to trace back to my roots a little bit. i wish i never completely fried my brain by smoking so much. i ain’t about that life anymore at all. but now i’m just, like, floating. it’s not even a constant progressive motion moving towards the future. it’s just me, floating in time and space, completely stationary. i don’t feel like i’m getting anywhere.